[Gen-art] Re: Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-avt-avpf-ccm-09.txt

[Magnus Westerlund <[e-mail]>]

Thanks for the review.

We will fix the nits at first suitable time. See inline for some comments.

Cheers

Magnus

Vijay K. Gurbani skrev:
> I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
> reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
> http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).
> 
> Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
> or AD before posting a new version of the draft.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-avt-avpf-ccm-09.txt
> Reviewer: Vijay K. Gurbani
> Review Date: 18 Oct 2007
> IESG Telechat date: 22 Oct 2007
> 
> Summary: This draft is ready for publication as a Proposed
> Standard.
> 
> Some nits follow:
> 
> * In S1, it is mentioned that "This makes the use of more
>  traditional control protocol means, such as Session Initiation
>  Protocol (SIP) re-INVITEs [RFC3261], undesirable when used for
>  the same purpose."
> 
>  I am curious: I don't believe that SIP re-INVs are used to affect
>  the sort of codec control messages being discussed in this draft.
>  I believe that you are pointing out that folks should not use
>  other means -- like SIP re-INVs -- for this purpose in the
>  *future.*  If so, I would suggest the following change:
>   s/undesirable when used/undesirable if used/

Yes, and actually we probably should rephrase this to correctly cover
SIP INFO and the usage like
http://tools.ietf.org/wg/mmusic/draft-levin-mmusic-xml-media-control-11.txt

> 
> * S3.2: s/There are multiple reasons/There are two reasons/
> 
> * S3.5.4: There appears to be some presentation error (or maybe it
>  is an error in the underlying XML) on line three and four of that
>  section.

Well, it is an artifact from using Word to generate the document.

> 
> * S3.5.4.2: You may want to consider breaking into two lines the
>  equations labeled (1) and (2) at the top of page 25.  The reason
>  is that as the labels appear now, they are hidden.  Thus, when you
>  refer to equations (1) and (2) later, it is hard to visually see
>  where these equations are.  I had to go back and use the browser's
>  find command to help me locate them.
> 
>  So, if re-arranged, these equations will look like:
> 
>  OLD:
>  Max_net media_BR_A = TMMBR_max total BR_A - PR * TMMBR_OH_A * 8 ...
>  (1)
>  Max_net media_BR_B = TMMBR_max total BR_B - PR * TMMBR_OH_B * 8 ...
>  (2)
> 
>  NEW:
>  Max_net media_BR_A =
>      TMMBR_max total BR_A - PR * TMMBR_OH_A * 8 ... (1)
>  Max_net media_BR_B =
>      TMMBR_max total BR_B - PR * TMMBR_OH_B * 8 ... (2)
> 

Yes, probably a better way to do it.

> * S4.2.1.2, top of page 39: There appears to be some
>  presentation error (or maybe it is an error in the underlying
>  XML) on the first two lines of the page, and this is repeated
>  in the second paragraph of the page.

More issues with using Word to generate draft.

> 
> * S4.2.2.2: s/.Note: if any media/Note: if any media
> 
> * S4.3.3.5: Is a sub-section warranted at all if there aren't
>  any remarks?
> 

Well, we are trying to keep with the format used in AVPF. I think we can
spend these 4 lines on showing that we actually have thought about this
section, and it isn't erroneously missing.

-- 

Magnus Westerlund

IETF Transport Area Director & TSVWG Chair
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