Re: [I2nsf] Lars Eggert's Discuss on draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-27: (with DISCUSS and COMMENT)

Hi Lars,

I have addressed your further comments on the revision.

Could you take a couple of minutes to take action on this revision
according to your comments?

https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-31

Thanks.

Best Regards,

Paul

2023년 5월 17일 (수) 오후 11:06, Mr. Jaehoon Paul Jeong <jaehoon.paul@gmail.com>님이
작성:

> Lars,
> Could you take action on this revision according to your comments?
>
> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-31
>
> Thanks in advance.
>
> Best Regards,
> Paul
>
>
> On Mon, May 15, 2023 at 10:40 PM Mr. Jaehoon Paul Jeong <
> jaehoon.paul@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hi Lars,
>> I have reflected your comments on the revision of I2NSF Consumer-Facing
>> Interface YANG Data Model Draft:
>>
>> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-31
>>
>> I put my answers below with the prefix of [PAUL].
>>
>> On Mon, May 15, 2023 at 6:50 PM Lars Eggert <lars@eggert.org> wrote:
>>
>>> Hi,
>>>
>>> the text in Section 4.4 still talks about hostnames.
>>>
>>  => [PAUL] hostnames are removed for the URL-Group object.
>>
>>>
>>> The example in Section 7 still doesn't use an RFC5737 example address.
>>>
>>  => This version uses only three IPv4 documentation address blocks such
>> as
>>       192.0.2.0/24, 198.51.100.0/24, and 203.0.113.0/24.
>>        If there are non-documentation addresses in this draft, please let
>> me know.
>>
>>       Thanks a lot for the good feedback.
>>
>>       Best Regards,
>>       Paul
>>
>>
>>> Thanks,
>>> Lars
>>>
>>> On 11. May 2023, at 16:30, Mr. Jaehoon Paul Jeong <
>>> jaehoon.paul@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>> 
>>> Lars,
>>> Even though you are very busy, please take a look at the revision and
>>> take action on our Consumer-Facing Interface Data Model draft:
>>>
>>> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm/
>>>
>>> This draft is the last I2NSF draft to be standardized.
>>>
>>> Thanks in advance.
>>>
>>> Best Regards,
>>> Paul
>>>
>>>
>>> On Tue, May 9, 2023 at 5:27 PM Mr. Jaehoon Paul Jeong <
>>> jaehoon.paul@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Hi Lars,
>>>> Let me remind you of your action on this draft:
>>>>
>>>> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm/
>>>>
>>>> We authors believe that we addressed your comments as much as possible.
>>>>
>>>> I hope this draft will move forward through your review and lifting up
>>>> your block.
>>>>
>>>> Thanks.
>>>>
>>>> Best Regards,
>>>> Paul
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Fri, Apr 21, 2023 at 9:45 PM Mr. Jaehoon Paul Jeong <
>>>> jaehoon.paul@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Hi Lars,
>>>>> I sincerely appreciate your comment to improve our Consumer-Facing
>>>>> Interface YANG Data Model.
>>>>> I have addressed your comments with the following revision:
>>>>>
>>>>> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-28
>>>>>
>>>>> Also, two more revisions have been posted to address other comments
>>>>> from other ADs.
>>>>>
>>>>> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-29
>>>>>
>>>>> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-
>>>>> <https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-29>
>>>>> 30
>>>>>
>>>>> I attach the revision letters.
>>>>>
>>>>> If you have further questions and comments, please let me know.
>>>>>
>>>>> Thanks.
>>>>>
>>>>> Best Regards,
>>>>> Paul
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> On Wed, Apr 12, 2023 at 6:43 PM Lars Eggert via Datatracker <
>>>>> noreply@ietf.org> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
>>>>>> draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-27: Discuss
>>>>>>
>>>>>> When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all
>>>>>> email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut
>>>>>> this
>>>>>> introductory paragraph, however.)
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Please refer to
>>>>>> https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/
>>>>>> for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT
>>>>>> positions.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm/
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>> DISCUSS:
>>>>>> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>
>>>>>> # GEN AD review of draft-ietf-i2nsf-consumer-facing-interface-dm-27
>>>>>>
>>>>>> CC @larseggert
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Thanks to Roni Even for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
>>>>>> (
>>>>>> https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/PrQuAtGM5yKx1cs4Upt2cRel9IA
>>>>>> ).
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ## Discuss
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### Section 4.4, paragraph 3
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>>      URL:      This field represents the URL or hostname.
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> Not a YANG expert, but I thought an inet:uri had to be an actual URI
>>>>>> and hence
>>>>>> cannot simply be a hostname string?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### Section 7.1, paragraph 7
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>>      3.  The "https://www.sns-example1.com/" and "https://www.sns-
>>>>>>          example2.com/" URLs are labeled as "sns-websites".
>>>>>>
>>>>>>      4.  The "sip:alice@atlanta.com", "sip:bob@203.0.113.15", and
>>>>>>          "sip:carol@chicago.com" SIP identities are labeled as
>>>>>> "malicious-
>>>>>>          id".
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> Use actual RFC2606 example domain names and RFC5737 example IP
>>>>>> addresses.
>>>>>> Also in the XML in Figure 19 of course.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### Section 10.1, paragraph 43
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>>      [MISPCORE] Dulaunoy, A. and A. Iklody, "MISP Core",
>>>>>>                 commit 051e33b6711a660faf81733d825f1015aa0d301b,
>>>>>> February
>>>>>>                 2022, <https://github.com/MISP/misp-
>>>>>>
>>>>>> rfc/blob/051e33b6711a660faf81733d825f1015aa0d301b/misp-
>>>>>>                 core-format/raw.md.html>.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>      [OPENIOC]  Gibb, W., "OpenIOC 1.1 DRAFT",
>>>>>>                 commit d42a8777708e171f8bdd3c2c9f8590c83488285d,
>>>>>> August
>>>>>>                 2013, <https://github.com/fireeye/OpenIOC_1.1/blob/
>>>>>>
>>>>>> d42a8777708e171f8bdd3c2c9f8590c83488285d/schemas/ioc.xsd>.
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> For discussion in the IESG. I don't think GitHub commits are
>>>>>> appropriate
>>>>>> normative references.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>> COMMENT:
>>>>>> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ## Comments
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### DOWNREFs
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Possible DOWNREF from this Standards Track doc to `[OPENIOC]`. If so,
>>>>>> the IESG
>>>>>> needs to approve it.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Possible DOWNREF from this Standards Track doc to `[MISPCORE]`. If
>>>>>> so, the IESG
>>>>>> needs to approve it.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### Inclusive language
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see
>>>>>> https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background
>>>>>> and more
>>>>>> guidance:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>  * Term `traditional`; alternatives might be `classic`, `classical`,
>>>>>> `common`,
>>>>>>    `conventional`, `customary`, `fixed`, `habitual`, `historic`,
>>>>>>    `long-established`, `popular`, `prescribed`, `regular`, `rooted`,
>>>>>>    `time-honored`, `universal`, `widely used`, `widespread`
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ## Nits
>>>>>>
>>>>>> All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may
>>>>>> choose to
>>>>>> address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
>>>>>> automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool),
>>>>>> so there
>>>>>> will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know
>>>>>> what you
>>>>>> did with these suggestions.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### Typos
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 99
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> -           for an IP address, such as IPv4 adress and IPv6 address.";
>>>>>> +           for an IP address, such as IPv4 address and IPv6
>>>>>> address.";
>>>>>> +                                             +
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 121
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> -                   category such as SNS sites, game sites, ecommerce
>>>>>> +                   category such as SNS sites, game sites, e-commerce
>>>>>> +                                                            +
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 135
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> -               gaming sites, ecommerce sites";
>>>>>> +               gaming sites, e-commerce sites";
>>>>>> +                              +
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### URLs
>>>>>>
>>>>>> These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>  *
>>>>>> http://www.iso.org/iso/home/standards/country_codes/iso-3166-1_decoding_table.htm
>>>>>>  *
>>>>>> http://www.iso.org/iso/home/standards/country_codes.htm#2012_iso3166-2
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ### Grammar/style
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 3.1, paragraph 1
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> sf-capability-data-model]. Case (anti-virus): This field represents
>>>>>> the conf
>>>>>>                                  ^^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> This word is normally spelled as one.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 3.2, paragraph 1
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>>  This information describes a caller id or receiver id in order to
>>>>>> prevent an
>>>>>>                                      ^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> This abbreviation for "identification" is spelled all-uppercase.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 3.2, paragraph 1
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> on describes a caller id or receiver id in order to prevent any
>>>>>> exploits (or
>>>>>>                                      ^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> This abbreviation for "identification" is spelled all-uppercase.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 3.2, paragraph 3
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> ow-rate-threshold? uint64 | +--rw anti-virus | | +--rw profile*
>>>>>> string | | +-
>>>>>>                                   ^^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> This word is normally spelled as one.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 3.2, paragraph 9
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> he Action object SHALL have following information: Primary-action:
>>>>>> This fiel
>>>>>>                             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> The article "the" may be missing.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 4, paragraph 3
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> , e.g., 'Dublin', 'New York', and 'Sao Paulo'. Range-ipv4-address:
>>>>>> This repre
>>>>>>                                    ^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> Did you mean "São Paulo" (= city in Brazil)?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 4.5, paragraph 1
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> is field is not mandatory but recommended to be used as it is helpful
>>>>>> for fut
>>>>>>                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> The verb "recommended" is used with the gerund form.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 5.1, paragraph 4
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> er-Facing Interface, this document provide examples for security
>>>>>> policy rules
>>>>>>                                    ^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> The verb "provide" is plural. Did you mean: "provides"? Did you use a
>>>>>> verb
>>>>>> instead of a noun?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 68
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> nclude 'Dublin', 'New York', and 'Sao Paulo'."; } uses
>>>>>> ip-address-info{ refin
>>>>>>                                   ^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> Did you mean "São Paulo" (= city in Brazil)?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 94
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> ck mitigation."; } } } container anti-virus { description "A
>>>>>> condition for an
>>>>>>                                  ^^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> This word is normally spelled as one.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 94
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> us { description "A condition for anti-virus"; leaf-list profile {
>>>>>> type strin
>>>>>>                                   ^^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> This word is normally spelled as one.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 97
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> hs are filenames/paths to be excluded and relative ones are
>>>>>> interpreted as gl
>>>>>>                                      ^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> Use a comma before "and" if it connects two independent clauses
>>>>>> (unless they
>>>>>> are closely connected and short).
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 114
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> ed as a binary to accommodate any kind of a payload type such as
>>>>>> HTTP, HTTPS,
>>>>>>                                   ^^^^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> If "kind" is a classification term, "a" is not necessary. Use "kind
>>>>>> of". (The
>>>>>> phrases "kind of" and "sort of" are informal if they mean "to some
>>>>>> extent".).
>>>>>>
>>>>>> #### Section 6.1, paragraph 114
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> 5 bytes of the payload. This field accept values greater than or
>>>>>> equal to th
>>>>>>                                    ^^^^^^
>>>>>> ```
>>>>>> The verb "accept" is plural. Did you mean: "accepts"? Did you use a
>>>>>> verb
>>>>>> instead of a noun?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ## Notes
>>>>>>
>>>>>> This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You
>>>>>> can use the
>>>>>> [`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into
>>>>>> individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the
>>>>>> [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT].
>>>>>>
>>>>>> [ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md
>>>>>> [ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments
>>>>>> [IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>> I2nsf mailing list
>>>>>> I2nsf@ietf.org
>>>>>> https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/i2nsf
>>>>>>
>>>>> --
===========================
Mr. Jaehoon (Paul) Jeong, Ph.D.
Associate Professor
Director at SKKU Open Source Software Center
Department of Computer Science and Engineering
Sungkyunkwan University
Office: +82-31-299-4957
Email: pauljeong@skku.edu, jaehoon.paul@gmail.com
Personal Homepage: http://iotlab.skku.edu/people-jaehoon-jeong.php
<http://cpslab.skku.edu/people-jaehoon-jeong.php>