Re: [Int-dir] INTDIR Review of draft-ietf-tsvwg-rfc6040update-shim-20

[Bob Briscoe <[e-mail]>]

Thank you for this review, Donald.

I've adopted all you proposed changes, except...:

...I shall leave the RFC Editor to decide which textual names of RFCs 
(with an internal space) to convert to citations in brackets. Reason: 
although the RFC Editor has often applied this conversion when 
processing my own recent drafts, I am not sure it is a universal rule, 
so I would rather leave the RFC Editor to apply their current style 
rules than sink time into doing it myself, possibly wrongly. For 
instance, the RFC Editor Style Guide states that textual naming of an 
RFC must include a space, which implies textual naming of RFCs must at 
least sometimes be appropriate:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/rfc7322#section-3.5

I have just posted rev -21 with these changes.

Thank you again.


Bob

On 22/11/2023 19:59, Donald Eastlake wrote:
> I am an assigned INT directorate reviewer for 
> <draft-ietf-tsvwg-rfc6040update-shim-20.txt>. These comments were 
> written primarily for the benefit of the Internet Area Directors. 
> Document editors and shepherd(s) should treat these comments just like 
> they would treat comments from any other IETF contributors and resolve 
> them along with any other Last Call comments that have been received. 
> For more details on the INT Directorate, see 
> https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/intdir/about/ 
> <https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/intdir/about/>.
>
> Based on my review, if I was on the IESG I would ballot this document 
> as YES.
>
> This is a well written document that updates RFC 6040 and a number of 
> other RFCs to specify/clarify the propagation of Explicit Congestion 
> Notification (ECN) between inner and outer headers when separated by a 
> shim
>
> The following are minor issues (typos, misspelling, minor text 
> improvements) with the document:
>
> - The usual way to indicate values to be assigned by IANA is to say 
> "TBD" (or, if there are multiple, TBD1, TBD2, etc.) I think that is 
> what ZZ is supposed to be so I suggest globally replacing "ZZ" with 
> "TBD" and eliminating the phrase in curly brackets in the first 
> sentence of 6.1.1.2.1.  IANA and the RFC Editor know about TBDs and to 
> replace them.
>
> - The usual way to indicate a reference to the document containing 
> that reference is "[this document]". Suggest globally replacing 
> "RFCXXXX" with "[this document]" and eliminating the often repeated 
> direction in curly brackets to the RFC Editor to replace "RFCXXXX" 
> with the document. The RFC Editor knows about "[this document]" and to 
> replace it.
>
> - Although many RFC references are square bracket references, there 
> are many cases that just have "RFC" followed by a space and the 
> number. Suggest a global search for RFC followed by a space (or new 
> line) and replace with a square bracket reference.
>
> - Suggest spelling out 3GPP on first use and/or providing a reference.
>
> Thanks,
> Donald
> ===============================
>  Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   [phone] (cell)
>  2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
> [e-mail]

-- 
________________________________________________________________
Bob Briscoehttp://bobbriscoe.net/