[OPSAWG] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-10: (with COMMENT)

Lars Eggert via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Mon, 29 November 2021 15:09 UTC

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Subject: [OPSAWG] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-10: (with COMMENT)
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Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-opsawg-ntf-10: No Objection

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----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see
https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more
guidance:

 * Term "his"; alternatives might be "they", "them", "their".

 * Term "traditional"; alternatives might be "classic", "classical",
   "common", "conventional", "customary", "fixed", "habitual", "historic",
   "long-established", "popular", "prescribed", "regular", "rooted",
   "time-honored", "universal", "widely used", "widespread".

Thanks to Gyan S. Mishra for their General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
(https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/ItkS25VOVfDg8eLogFDMCtpeoFM).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.

Section 3.2. , paragraph 4, nit:
> ic manipulation. In some cases, micro-bursts need to be detected in a very sh
>                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^
This word is normally spelled as one.

Section 3.2. , paragraph 6, nit:
> ant to be warned of issues in advance so proactive actions can be taken to av
>                                      ^^^
Use a comma before "so" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are
closely connected and short).

Section 4.1. , paragraph 3, nit:
> lso be implemented over TCP and SCTP but that is not recommended for forward
>                                     ^^^^
Use a comma before "but" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they
are closely connected and short).

Section 10. , paragraph 19, nit:
> P/2 [RFC7540] based open-source micro-service communication framework. It pro
>                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This word is normally spelled as one.

"A.3.1. ", paragraph 2, nit:
> pected movement makes it fascinating and many people connect to sites that a
>                                     ^^^^
Use a comma before "and" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they
are closely connected and short).

"A.3.1. ", paragraph 3, nit:
> ent can be affected by such situation so their management solutions should be
>                                      ^^^
Use a comma before "so" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are
closely connected and short).

Document references draft-ietf-ippm-multipoint-alt-mark, but that has been
published as RFC8889.

Document references draft-song-ippm-postcard-based-telemetry-10, but -11 is the
latest available revision.

Document references draft-ietf-grow-bmp-adj-rib-out, but that has been
published as RFC8671.