Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9556 <draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10> for your review

[Alanna Paloma <[e-mail]>]

Hi Jungha,

Thank you for your reply. We have updated the files accordingly.

Please note that we have one remaining query:
> ) Might it be helpful to the reader to clarify the slash in cases like the following (i.e., does it stand for "and", "or", or "and/or"?)?  Note: this appears in several places, the following is just an example. 
> 
> Original: 
>  The IoT gateway plays a common role in providing access to a                     
>  heterogeneous set of IoT devices/sensors,...                                                                                                                    
> 
> Perhaps:                                                                         
>  The IoT gateway plays a common role in providing access to a                     
>  heterogeneous set of IoT devices and sensors,… 

…
The files have been posted here (please refresh):
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.txt
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.pdf
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.html
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.xml

The relevant diff files are posted here:
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-diff.html (comprehensive diff)
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-auth48diff.html (all AUTH48 changes)
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-lastdiff.html (htmlwdiff diff between last version and this)
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-lastrfcdiff.html (rfcdiff between last version and this)

For the AUTH48 status of this document, please see:
 https://www.rfc-editor.org/auth48/rfc9556

Thank you,
RFC Editor/ap

> On Mar 22, 2024, at 9:48 AM, Jungha Hong <[e-mail]> wrote:
> 
> Hi, 
> 
> Please find my answers inline with [JH].
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Alanna Paloma <[e-mail]> 
> Sent: Saturday, March 23, 2024 1:23 AM
> To: Ari Keränen <[e-mail]>; Colin Perkins <[e-mail]>; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; Xavier De Foy <Xavier.DeFoy=[e-mail]>; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; Kutscher, Dirk <[e-mail]>
> Cc: [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> Subject: Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9556 <draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10> for your review
> 
> Authors, Ari, and Colin,
> 
> Thank you for your replies. We have updated the files accordingly. Please see below for our additional questions. 
> 
>> The text in sec 2.4 “Self-driving car”says :
>>   such as high-resolution cameras, radars, Light Detection and Ranging (LiDAR), sonar sensors, and GPS systems
>>  Since we say “radars” should we also say “LiDARs” or change “radars” to “radar”?
> 
> ) Instead of pluralizing “LiDAR”, may we update it to “LiDAR systems”?
> 
> Perhaps:
>   With a multitude of sensors, such as high-resolution
>   cameras, radars, Light Detection and Ranging (LiDAR) systems, sonar
>   sensors, and GPS systems, autonomous vehicles generate vast
>   amounts of real-time data. 
> 
> [JH] “LiDAR systems” is better.
> 
> ) Might it be helpful to the reader to clarify the slash in cases like the following (i.e., does it stand for "and", "or", or "and/or"?)?  Note: this appears in several places, the following is just an example. 
> 
> Original: 
>  The IoT gateway plays a common role in providing access to a                     
>  heterogeneous set of IoT devices/sensors,...                                                                                                                    
> 
> Perhaps:                                                                         
>  The IoT gateway plays a common role in providing access to a                     
>  heterogeneous set of IoT devices and sensors,… 
> 
> 
>>> 6) <!--[rfced] Should "device" be updated to "devise" or is there 
>>> another way to rephrase this sentence?
>>> Original: 
>>> Conversely, a cloud back-end might want to device data even if it is 
>>> currently asleep.
>>> Perhaps: 
>>> Conversely, a cloud backend might want to access device data even if 
>>> the device is currently asleep.
>>> -->
>> Good catch – we meant the second variant.
> 
> ) Please clarify, should the sentence be updated to use “devise” or should it be updated to the Perhaps text?
> 
> [JH] Please update it to the Perhaps text.
> 
> 
>>> 20) <!--[rfced] Throughout the document, there were certain places we 
>>> may have expected a citation. Please review cases like the following 
>>> (there may be more, just examples):
>>> As the number of people working on farming has been decreasing over 
>>> time,...
>>> *Smart Construction*
>>> Safety is critical at construction sites. Every year, many 
>>> construction workers lose their lives because of falls, collisions, 
>>> electric shocks, and other accidents.
>>> Policy makers have begun to provide frameworks that limit the usage 
>>> of personal data and impose strict requirements on data controllers 
>>> and processors.
>>> -->
>> Good point – I suggest that we (authors) go through the document and add references to such statements.
> 
> ) Please note that we still await word regarding where citations should be added.
> 
> [JH] I have added 8 citations as follows:
> 
> *Smart Factory*
> The use of edge computing in a smart factory [Jamilu] can reduce the cost of
> network and storage resources by reducing the communication load to
> the central data center or server.
> 
> [Jamilu] Argungu, J., Idina, M., Chalawa, U., Ummar, M., Bello, S., Arzika, I., and Mala, B., 
>    "A Survey of Edge Computing Approaches in Smart Factory", International Journal of Advanced 
>           Research in Computer and Communication Engineering, Vol. 12, Issue 9, September 2023.
> 
> *Smart Grid*
> In future smart city scenarios, the Smart Grid will be critical in
> ensuring highly available/efficient energy control in city-wide
> electricity management [Mehmood].
> 
> [Mehmood] Mehmood, M., Oad, A., Abrar, M., Munir, H., Hasan, S., Muqeet, H., and Golilarz, N.,
>            "Edge computing for IoT-enabled smart grid", Security and Communication Networks, Vol. 2021,
>            Article ID 5524025, https://doi.org/10.1155/2021/5524025.
> 
> *Smart Agriculture*
> In existing farms, simple systems such as management according to
> temperature and humidity can be easily and inexpensively implemented
> using IoT technology [Tanveer].
> 
> As the number of people working on farming has been decreasing over time,
> increasing automation enabled by edge computing can be a driving
> force for future smart agriculture [OGrady].
> 
> [Tanveer] Tanveer, S., Sree, N., Bhavana, B., and Varsha, D., "Smart Agriculture System using IoT",
>            2022 IEEE World Conference on Applied Intelligence and Computing (AIC), Sonbhadra, India, 2022,
>            pp. 482-486, doi: 10.1109/AIC55036.2022.9848948.
> 
> [OGrady] O'Grady, M., Langton, D., and O'Hare, G., "Edge computing: A tractable model for smart agriculture?",
>           Artificial Intelligence in Agriculture, Vol. 3, September 2019, Pages 42-51, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.aiia.2019.12.001.
> 
> *Smart Construction*
> Safety is critical at construction sites. Every year, many
> construction workers lose their lives because of falls, collisions,
> electric shocks, and other accidents [BigRentz].
> 
> Using edge computing[Yue], data generated at the construction site can be
> processed and analyzed on an edge server located within or near the
> site.
> 
> [BigRentz] BigRentz, "41 Construction Safety Statistics for 2024", https://www.bigrentz.com/blog/construction-safety-statistics.
> 
> [Yue] Yue, Q.,Mu, S., Zhang, L., Wang, Z., Zhang, Z., Zhang, X., Wang, Y., and Miao, Z., 
>       "Assisting Smart Construction With Reliable Edge Computing Technology", Frontiers in Energy Research, Sec. Smart Grids,
>        Vol. 10, 2022, https://doi.org/10.3389/fenrg.2022.900298.
> 
> *Self-Driving Car*
> Edge computing plays a crucial role in safety-focused self-driving car systems [Badjie].
> 
> [Badjie] The Future of Autonomous Driving Systems with Edge Computing, 
>           https://medium.com/@bakarykumba1996/the-future-of-autonomous-driving-systems-with-edge-computing-8c919597c4ee. 
> 
> *Digital Twin* 
> Decision makers can use digital twins to test and validate different strategies, identify inefficiencies, and optimize
> Performance [CertMagic].
> 
> [CertMagic] CertMagic, "Digital Twin Technology: Simulating Real-World Scenarios for Enhanced Decision Making", 
>               https://certmagic.medium.com/digital-twin-technology-simulating-real-world-scenarios-for-enhanced-decision-making-8844c51e856d.
> 
> 
> ---
> The files have been posted here (please refresh):
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.txt
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.pdf
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.html
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556.xml
> 
> The relevant diff files are posted here:
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-diff.html (comprehensive diff)
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-auth48diff.html (all AUTH48 changes)
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-lastdiff.html (htmlwdiff diff between last version and this)
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9556-lastrfcdiff.html (rfcdiff between last version and this)
> 
> For the AUTH48 status of this document, please see:
>  https://www.rfc-editor.org/auth48/rfc9556
> 
> We will await approvals from each party listed on the AUTH48 status page below prior to moving this document forward in the publication process.
> 
> Thank you,
> RFC Editor/ap
> 
>> On Mar 22, 2024, at 7:51 AM, Ari Keränen <[e-mail]> wrote:
>> 
>> One small thing that I noticed while reading the diff (sending to retracted audience since it’s really nitty). The text in sec 2.4 “Self-driving car”says :
>>   such as high-resolution cameras, radars, Light Detection and Ranging (LiDAR), sonar sensors, and GPS systems
>>  Since we say “radars” should we also say “LiDARs” or change “radars” to “radar”?
>>  Cheers,
>> Ari
>>  From: irsg <[e-mail]> on behalf of Ari Keränen 
>> <ari.keranen=[e-mail]>
>> Date: Friday, 22. March 2024 at 16.35
>> To: Alanna Paloma <[e-mail]>, Xavier De Foy 
>> <Xavier.DeFoy=[e-mail]>, Kutscher, Dirk 
>> <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] 
>> <[e-mail]>
>> Cc: [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, 
>> [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, 
>> [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] 
>> <[e-mail]>
>> Subject: Re: [irsg] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9556 
>> <draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10> for your review Hi Authors & Alanna,  I 
>> believe the “DDS” acronym should be actually “Data Distribution Service” instead of “Discovery Domain Set”.
>> Otherwise the updates as discussed below look good to me.
>>  Cheers,
>> Ari (as the doc shepherd)
>>  From: Alanna Paloma <[e-mail]>
>> Date: Thursday, 21. March 2024 at 20.49
>> To: Xavier De Foy <Xavier.DeFoy=[e-mail]>, 
>> Kutscher, Dirk <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] 
>> <[e-mail]>
>> Cc: [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, 
>> [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] 
>> <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, 
>> [e-mail] <[e-mail]>, Ari Keränen <[e-mail]>, 
>> [e-mail] <[e-mail]>
>> Subject: Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9556 <draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10> for 
>> your review Authors,
>> 
>> Thank you for your replies.  We have updated the files as requested. See below for additional questions and comments.
>> 
>> ) Yong-Geun - In RFC 9453, your name appears as "Y-G.” in the header, and in this document, it appears as "Y.-G.” May we update this document to remove the period after “Y” to reflect RFC 9453? 
>> 
>> ) Might it be helpful to the reader to clarify the slash in cases like the following (i.e., does it stand for "and", "or", or "and/or"?)?  Note: this appears in several places, the following is just an example.
>> 
>> Original: 
>>   The IoT gateway plays a common role in providing access to a                    
>>   heterogeneous set of IoT devices/sensors,...                                                                                                                 
>> 
>> Perhaps:                                                                         
>>   The IoT gateway plays a common role in providing access to a                    
>>   heterogeneous set of IoT devices and sensors,…
>> 
>>>> 6) <!--[rfced] Should "device" be updated to "devise" or is there 
>>>> another way to rephrase this sentence?
>>>> Original: 
>>>> Conversely, a cloud back-end might want to device data even if it 
>>>> is currently asleep.
>>>> Perhaps: 
>>>> Conversely, a cloud backend might want to access device data even 
>>>> if the device is currently asleep.
>>>> -->
>>> Good catch – we meant the second variant.
>> 
>> ) Please clarify, should the sentence be updated to use “devise” or should it be updated to the Perhaps text?
>> 
>>>> 9) <!--[rfced] The SVG figures in Section 4.2 have their width and 
>>>> height specified, which will make the artwork not scale. Please 
>>>> consider whether scaling should be enabled. Scaling will allow the 
>>>> figure to be resized when it is viewed on a mobile device; however, 
>>>> there may be aesthetic trade-offs (e.g., image may appear too large 
>>>> on a desktop screen or different figures may scale differently 
>>>> based on their relative sizes). Please review the HTML and PDF 
>>>> outputs and let us know how to proceed.
>>>> -->
>>> The figure should probably be scaled so that the font size in the figure corresponds to the one in the text and so that the figure is not wider than the text width. What is a good way to achieve this in a portable fashion?
>> 
>> ) We have removed the width and height attributes from both SVG figures in order for them to scale. Please see the HTML and PDF outputs.
>> 
>>>> 20) <!--[rfced] Throughout the document, there were certain places 
>>>> we may have expected a citation. Please review cases like the 
>>>> following (there may be more, just examples):
>>>> As the number of people working on farming has been decreasing over 
>>>> time,...
>>>> *Smart Construction*
>>>> Safety is critical at construction sites. Every year, many 
>>>> construction workers lose their lives because of falls, collisions, 
>>>> electric shocks, and other accidents.
>>>> Policy makers have begun to provide frameworks that limit the usage 
>>>> of personal data and impose strict requirements on data controllers 
>>>> and processors.
>>>> -->
>>> Good point – I suggest that we (authors) go through the document and add references to such statements.
>> 
>> ) Please note that we still await word regarding where citations should be added.
>> ---
>> The files have been posted here (please refresh):
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>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.
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>> icsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbfd47abbe5208
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>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.
>> rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556.txt&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40er
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>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.
>> rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556.html&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40e
>> ricsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbfd47abbe520
>> 80c6b87953f%7C0%7C0%7C638466437584486868%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWI
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>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.
>> rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556.pdf&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40er
>> icsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbfd47abbe5208
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>> d=0
>> 
>> The relevant diff files have been posted here:
>> 
>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.
>> rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556-diff.html&data=05%7C02%7Cari.kerane
>> n%40ericsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbfd47ab
>> be52080c6b87953f%7C0%7C0%7C638466437584496232%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8
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>> erved=0 (comprehensive diff)
>> 
>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.
>> rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556-auth48diff.html&data=05%7C02%7Cari.
>> keranen%40ericsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfb
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>> &reserved=0 (AUTH48 changes)
>> 
>> Please review the document carefully and contact us with any further updates you may have.  Note that we do not make changes once a document is published as an RFC.
>> 
>> We will await approvals from each party listed on the AUTH48 status page below prior to moving this document forward in the publication process.
>> 
>> For the AUTH48 status of this document, please see:
>> 
>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.
>> rfc-editor.org%2Fauth48%2Frfc9556&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40ericsso
>> n.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbfd47abbe52080c6b8
>> 7953f%7C0%7C0%7C638466437584505133%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4
>> wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&s
>> data=kzFEwCnqIAUny0o13ijF5OqnFQ9N99%2F%2Fz4YshWSMh1s%3D&reserved=0
>> 
>> Thank you,
>> RFC Editor/ap
>> 
>>> On Mar 20, 2024, at 4:13 PM, Xavier De Foy <Xavier.DeFoy=[e-mail]> wrote:
>>> 
>>> Hi,
>>> Thank you very much for the review and updates. I generally agree with Dirks replies and added a few minor comments with the marker [xdf] below. I believe at this stage there are a couple of open items (one about the figure, and one about possibly adding references).  About the figures, I don’t have a strong opinion (the current figures, which I guess are still not scaled, look fine to me on PC and phone, and I don’t know how to test with scaling). For the second point I’ll check with the editor of the use case section.
>>> Best Regards,
>>> Xavier.
>>> From: Dirk Kutscher <[e-mail]>
>>> Sent: Tuesday, March 19, 2024 10:43 AM
>>> To: [e-mail]
>>> Cc: [e-mail]; [e-mail]; Xavier De Foy 
>>> <[e-mail]>; [e-mail]; 
>>> [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]; 
>>> [e-mail]
>>> Subject: Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9556 <draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10> 
>>> for your review  Hello, many thanks for the careful review and the 
>>> questions.
>>> Some answers inline:
>>> 1) <!-- [rfced] Please note that the title of the document has been 
>>> updated as follows. Abbreviations have been expanded per Section
>>> 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide"). Please review.
>>> Original: 
>>> IoT Edge Challenges and Functions
>>> Current: 
>>> Internet of Things (IoT) Edge Challenges and Functions
>>> -->
>>> ACK
>>> 2) <!--[rfced] Dirk and Matthias: Is there a "short name" we could 
>>> use for your organizations in the header?--> For Dirk: HKUST(GZ)
>>> 3) <!-- [rfced] Please insert any keywords (beyond those that appear 
>>> in the title) for use on https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rfc-editor.org%2Fsearch&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40ericsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbfd47abbe52080c6b87953f%7C0%7C0%7C638466437584509561%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=OLTyDl%2FTAOfGGSHjoXHiu8PKkYZQQHE3l5E0xdpsMHE%3D&reserved=0. -->
>>>    •
>>> in-network computing
>>>    • in network caching
>>>    • in network storage
>>> 
>>> 4) <!--[rfced] To help with longevity, we have updated uses of 
>>> "currently", "today" and the like to say "at the time of writing". 
>>> Please let us know any objections.--> ACK
>>> 5) <!--[rfced] Is the meaning of this sentence that IoT technology 
>>> is being applied in more types of domains? Or that the applications 
>>> listed are more demanding than other domains? (That is, is the 
>>> healthcare domain itself more demanding or is there some application 
>>> inside the healthcare domain that is more demanding?)
>>> Original: 
>>> IoT technology is used with increasingly demanding applications, for 
>>> example, in industrial, automotive and healthcare domains, leading 
>>> to new challenges.
>>> Perhpas A: 
>>> IoT technology is used with increasingly demanding applications in 
>>> domains such as industrial, automotive, and healthcare, which leads 
>>> to new challenges.
>>> Perhaps B: 
>>> IoT technology is used with increasingly demanding applications, for 
>>> example, the industrial, automotive, and healthcare domains, leading 
>>> to new challenges.
>>> -->
>>> Variant A sounds good.
>>> 6) <!--[rfced] Should "device" be updated to "devise" or is there 
>>> another way to rephrase this sentence?
>>> Original: 
>>> Conversely, a cloud back-end might want to device data even if it is 
>>> currently asleep.
>>> Perhaps: 
>>> Conversely, a cloud backend might want to access device data even if 
>>> the device is currently asleep.
>>> -->
>>> Good catch – we meant the second variant.
>>> 7) <!--[rfced] The following three sentences use "typically". We 
>>> will update to use another word to reduce redundancy unless we hear 
>>> objection.
>>> Original: 
>>> The service and application life-cycle is typically using an 
>>> NFV-like management and orchestration model.
>>> The platform typically enables advertising or consuming services 
>>> hosted on the platform (e.g., the Mp1 interface in ETSI MEC supports 
>>> service discovery and communication), and enables communication with 
>>> local and remote endpoints (e.g., message routing function in IoT 
>>> gateways). The platform is typically extensible to edge applications 
>>> because it can advertise a service that other edge applications can 
>>> consume.
>>> Perhaps: 
>>> Typically, the service and application life cycle is using an 
>>> NFV-like management and orchestration model.
>>> The platform generally enables advertising or consuming services 
>>> hosted on the platform (e.g., the Mp1 interface in ETSI MEC supports 
>>> service discovery and communication), and enables communication with 
>>> local and remote endpoints (e.g., message routing function in IoT 
>>> gateways). The platform is usually extensible to edge applications 
>>> because it can advertise a service that other edge applications can 
>>> consume.
>>> -->
>>> Yes, thank you.
>>> 8) <!--[rfced] Please review the following questions related to this text:
>>> a) We are having trouble parsing "the list associated logical 
>>> functions". Is "list" intended to be a noun or a verb?
>>> b) The placement of "in this section" is somewhat jarring (and makes 
>>> two introductory phrases in the sentence). May we update as follows?
>>> Original: 
>>> Although there are many approaches to edge computing, in this 
>>> section, we attempt to lay out a general model and the list 
>>> associated logical functions.
>>> Perhaps A (list is a noun):
>>> Although there are many approaches to edge computing, this section 
>>> lays out an attempt at a general model and the list of associated 
>>> logical functions.
>>> Perhaps B (list is a verb):
>>> Although there are many approaches to edge computing, this sections 
>>> lays out an attempt at a general model and lists associated logical 
>>> functions.
>>> -->
>>> Variant B sounds good.
>>> 9) <!--[rfced] The SVG figures in Section 4.2 have their width and 
>>> height specified, which will make the artwork not scale. Please 
>>> consider whether scaling should be enabled. Scaling will allow the 
>>> figure to be resized when it is viewed on a mobile device; however, 
>>> there may be aesthetic trade-offs (e.g., image may appear too large 
>>> on a desktop screen or different figures may scale differently based 
>>> on their relative sizes). Please review the HTML and PDF outputs and 
>>> let us know how to proceed.
>>> -->
>>> The figure should probably be scaled so that the font size in the figure corresponds to the one in the text and so that the figure is not wider than the text width. What is a good way to achieve this in a portable fashion?
>>> [xdf] I don’t have a strong opinion on this, but after checking the pdf and html links you provide at the end of this email, on a laptop and on a phone, the 2 figures look fine as they are right now.
>>> 10) <!--[rfced] In the following text, how does the last clause 
>>> relate to the rest of the sentence? If our suggested rephrase does 
>>> not correctly capture your intent, please let us know how to 
>>> rephrase.
>>> Original: 
>>> In a distributed image processing application, some image processing 
>>> functions can be similarly executed at the edge or in the cloud, 
>>> while preprocessing, which helps limiting the amount of uploaded 
>>> data, is performed by the IoT device.
>>> Perhaps: 
>>> Similarly, in a distributed image processing application, some image 
>>> processing functions can be executed at the edge or in the cloud, 
>>> which helps with limiting the amount of uploaded data to be 
>>> performed by the IoT device.
>>> -->
>>> How about this:
>>> Similarly, in a distributed image processing application, some image 
>>> processing functions can be executed at the edge or in the cloud. To limit the amount of data to be uploaded to central cloud functions, IoT edge devices may pre-process data.
>>> 11) <!--[rfced] Should "IRTF attendees" be further clarified? Is 
>>> this a particular meeting? Participants of all Research Groups?--> I 
>>> suggest "participants of T2TRG meetings".
>>> 12) <!--[rfced] To avoid the awkward readability of both "used" and 
>>> "using" in the same sentence, may we make the following update?
>>> Original:
>>> Broker-based solutions can be used, for example, using an IoT 
>>> gateway as a broker to discover IoT resources.
>>> Perhaps:
>>> Broker-based solutions can be implemented; an example would be using 
>>> an IoT gateway as a broker to discover IoT resources.
>>> -->
>>> How about:
>>> "In a broker-based system, an IoT gateway can act as a broker to discover IoT resources."
>>> 13) <!--[rfced] Please review our update to "in replacement or complement"
>>> and let us know if it does not capture your intended meaning.
>>> Original: 
>>> More decentralized solutions can also be used in replacement or 
>>> complement, for example, CoAP enables multicast discovery of an IoT 
>>> device, and CoAP service discovery enables obtaining a list of 
>>> resources made available by this device [RFC7252].
>>> Current: 
>>> More decentralized solutions can also be used in replacement of or 
>>> in complement to the broker-based solutions; for example, CoAP 
>>> enables multicast discovery of an IoT device and CoAP service 
>>> discovery enables one to obtain a list of resources made available 
>>> by this device [RFC7252].
>>> -->
>>> Yes, much better.
>>> 14) <!--[rfced] Please review our update to the following text to 
>>> ensure we've correctly captured your intended meaning. Because this 
>>> text includes an example within an example and both are within a 
>>> list, please review carefully.
>>> Original:
>>> * Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge, to account for 
>>> its distributed nature, e.g., using Conflict-free Replicated Data 
>>> Types (CRDT) [Jeffery], heterogeneity and customization, e.g., using 
>>> intent-based management mechanisms [Cao], and limited resources.
>>> Current:
>>> * Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge to account for its 
>>> distributed nature, e.g., using Conflict-free Replicated Data Types 
>>> (CRDTs) [Jeffery], heterogeneity and customization (e.g., using 
>>> intent-based management mechanisms [Cao]), and limited resources
>>> -->
>>> Thanks for spotting this. This sentence seems problematic for a couple of reasons. The examples are quite specific. If co-authors and our shepherd agree, we could simplify as follows:
>>> Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge to account for its distributed nature, heterogeneity, need for customization, and limited resources.
>>> [xdf] sounds good to me. I would propose keeping the references, by adding a sentence after the one proposed by Dirk. Something like this (if co-authors and shepherd agree):
>>> OLD:
>>> * Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge, to account for 
>>> its distributed nature, e.g., using Conflict-free Replicated Data 
>>> Types (CRDT) [Jeffery], heterogeneity and customization, e.g., using 
>>> intent-based management mechanisms [Cao], and limited resources.
>>> NEW:
>>> * Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge to account for its distributed nature, heterogeneity, need for customization, and limited resources. For example, using Conflict-free Replicated Data Types (CRDTs) [Jeffery] or intent-based management mechanisms [Cao].
>>> 15) <!--[rfced] How can we break this run-on sentence up for the reader?
>>> Original:
>>> * (Computation placement) Selecting, in a centralized or 
>>> distributed/peer-to-peer manner, an appropriate compute device based 
>>> on available resources, location of data input and data sinks, 
>>> compute node properties, etc., and with varying goals including 
>>> end-to-end latency, privacy, high availability, energy conservation, 
>>> or network efficiency, for example, using load- balancing techniques 
>>> to avoid congestion.
>>> Perhaps:
>>> * Computation placement: in a centralized or 
>>> distributed/peer-to-peer manner, selecting an appropriate compute 
>>> device. The selection is based on available resources, location of 
>>> data input and data sinks, compute node properties, etc. with 
>>> varying goals. These goals include end-to-end latency, privacy, high 
>>> availability, energy conservation, or network efficiency. For 
>>> example, using load-balancing techniques to avoid congestion.
>>> -->
>>> Yes, much better – thanks!
>>> 16) <!--[rfced] We are having difficulty parsing the parenthetical. 
>>> Please review and let us know how it may be updated for clarity.
>>> Original:
>>> * Maintaining consistency, freshness, reliability, and privacy of 
>>> stored/cached data in systems that are distributed, constrained, and 
>>> dynamic (e.g., owing to end devices and computing nodes churn or 
>>> mobility), and which can have additional data governance constraints 
>>> on data storage location.
>>> -->
>>> I suggest the following:
>>>    • Maintaining consistency, freshness, reliability, and privacy 
>>> of stored/cached data in systems that are distributed, constrained, and dynamic (e.g., due to node mobility, energy-saving regimes, and disruptions) and which can have additional data governance constraints on data storage location.
>>> 17) <!--[rfced] Is the following sentence intended to be a list of 
>>> characteristics of communication brokering? If so, may we update it 
>>> as follows?
>>> Original:
>>> Communication brokering is a typical function of IoT edge computing 
>>> that facilitates communication with IoT devices, enabling clients to 
>>> register as recipients for data from devices, as well as forwarding/ 
>>> routing of traffic to or from IoT devices, enabling various data 
>>> discovery and redistribution patterns, for example, north-south with 
>>> clouds, east-west with other edge devices 
>>> [I-D.mcbride-edge-data-discovery-overview].
>>> Perhaps:
>>> Communication brokering is a typical function of IoT edge computing 
>>> that facilitates communication with IoT devices, enables clients to 
>>> register as recipients for data from devices forwards/routes of 
>>> traffic to or from IoT devices, enables various data discovery and 
>>> redistribution patterns (for example, north-south with clouds and 
>>> east-west with other edge devices 
>>> [I-D.mcbride-edge-data-discovery-overview].
>>> -->
>>> Thanks, much better. Some additional edits:
>>> Communication brokering is a typical function of IoT edge computing 
>>> that facilitates communication with IoT devices, enables clients to 
>>> register as recipients for data from devices, forwards traffic to or 
>>> from IoT devices, enables various data discovery and redistribution 
>>> patterns (for example, north-south with clouds and east-west with 
>>> other edge devices [I-D.mcbride-edge-data-discovery-overview].
>>> [xdf] minor typo: need to close the parenthesis at the end of the paragraph.
>>> 18) <!--[rfced] It's unclear how "dynamic" fits into the sentence below.
>>> Is it meant to read "dynamic environtments"?
>>> Original: 
>>> * Addressing concerns such as limited resources, privacy, dynamic, 
>>> and heterogeneous environments to deploy machine learning at the
>>> edge:
>>> Perhaps: 
>>> * Addressing concerns such as limited resources, privacy, and 
>>> dynamic and heterogeneous environments to deploy machine learning at 
>>> the
>>> edge: 
>>> -->
>>> Yes.
>>> 19) <!-- [rfced] Please ensure that the guidelines listed in Section 
>>> 2.1 of RFC 5743 have been adhered to in this document. --> IMO, "Status of This Memo" has all the required information.
>>> 20) <!--[rfced] Throughout the document, there were certain places 
>>> we may have expected a citation. Please review cases like the 
>>> following (there may be more, just examples):
>>> As the number of people working on farming has been decreasing over 
>>> time,...
>>> *Smart Construction*
>>> Safety is critical at construction sites. Every year, many 
>>> construction workers lose their lives because of falls, collisions, 
>>> electric shocks, and other accidents.
>>> Policy makers have begun to provide frameworks that limit the usage 
>>> of personal data and impose strict requirements on data controllers 
>>> and processors.
>>> -->
>>> Good point – I suggest that we (authors) go through the document and add references to such statements.
>>> 21) <!-- [rfced] Throughout the text, the following terminology 
>>> appears to be used inconsistently. Please review these occurrences 
>>> and let us know if/how they may be made consistent.
>>> a) Capitalization
>>> Big Data vs. big data
>>> Cloud vs. cloud
>>> Industrial IoT vs. industrial IoT
>>> Smart Grid vs. smart grid
>>> Thing vs. thing
>>> Edge vs. edge
>>> I'm in favor of using lowercase for all terms except for "Thing".
>>> b) hyphenation
>>> edge computing vs. edge-computing (when in attributive position 
>>> (before a noun))
>>> -->
>>> How about just using "edge computing"?
>>> 22) <!-- [rfced] FYI - We have added expansions for the following 
>>> abbreviations per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide"). 
>>> Please review each expansion in the document carefully to ensure 
>>> correctness.
>>> Content Delivery Network (CDN)
>>> Constrained Application Protocol (CoAP) Discovery Domain Set (DDS) 
>>> Information-Centric Networking (ICN) Light Detection and Ranging 
>>> (LiDAR) Multi-access Edge Computing (MEC) Message Queuing Telemetry 
>>> Transport (MQTT) Open Platform Communications Unified Architecture 
>>> (OPC UA) Software-Defined Networking (SDN) Virtual Machine (VM)
>>> -->
>>> Looks good.
>>> 23) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of 
>>> the online Style Guide 
>>> <https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fw
>>> ww.rfc-editor.org%2Fstyleguide%2Fpart2%2F%23inclusive_language&data=
>>> 05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40ericsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78
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>>> jSaC864NLBEU00gSYYI%3D&reserved=0>
>>> and let us know if any changes are needed. For example, please 
>>> consider whether "native" should be updated.
>>> In addition, please consider whether "traditional" should be updated 
>>> for clarity. While the NIST website 
>>> <https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fw
>>> ww.nist.gov%2Fnist-research-library%2Fnist-technical-series-publicat
>>> ions-author-instructions%23table1&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40erics
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>>> =0> indicates that this term is potentially biased, it is also 
>>> ambiguous.
>>> "Tradition" is a subjective term, as it is not the same for everyone. 
>>> -->
>>> Personally, I don't think "native" and "tradition" needs updating (but open to suggestions from co-authors).
>>> Many thanks for the careful review and the useful suggestions!
>>> Best regards,
>>> Dirk
>>> Thank you.
>>> RFC Editor/ap/mf
>>> *****IMPORTANT*****
>>> Updated 2024/03/18
>>> RFC Author(s): 
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>>> w.rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556.xml&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%
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>>> FlqNqSbqSzI%3D&reserved=0 The following files are provided to 
>>> facilitate creation of your own diff files of the XML.
>>> Initial XMLv3 created using XMLv2 as input:
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>>> w.rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556.original.v2v3.xml&data=05%7C02%
>>> 7Cari.keranen%40ericsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92
>>> e84cebfbfd47abbe52080c6b87953f%7C0%7C0%7C638466437584577745%7CUnknow
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>>> LCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=fNcgFCayFQT7%2Fix15yulkzG1hNcPvUuw
>>> LietVv8csLI%3D&reserved=0
>>> XMLv3 file that is a best effort to capture v3-related format 
>>> updates
>>> only: 
>>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fww
>>> w.rfc-editor.org%2Fauthors%2Frfc9556.form.xml&data=05%7C02%7Cari.ker
>>> anen%40ericsson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbf
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>>> GZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6M
>>> n0%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=pLhJh0kYdZqj0WrixWHmFyc0rrjnrXnh4njB%2BW2vb
>>> yI%3D&reserved=0
>>> Tracking progress
>>> -----------------
>>> The details of the AUTH48 status of your document are here:
>>> https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fww
>>> w.rfc-editor.org%2Fauth48%2Frfc9556&data=05%7C02%7Cari.keranen%40eri
>>> csson.com%7Ce84ce8fc30894c03e9f908dc49d78462%7C92e84cebfbfd47abbe520
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>>> 7C%7C%7C&sdata=aHlxHfX%2Fwk%2Ft6BR7cS4MgQoxbWExVG3I%2FJE%2FoSz5%2Fro
>>> %3D&reserved=0 Please let us know if you have any questions.
>>> Thank you for your cooperation,
>>> RFC Editor
>>> --------------------------------------
>>> RFC9556 (draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10) Title : IoT Edge Challenges 
>>> and Functions
>>> Author(s) : J. Hong, Y. Hong, X. de Foy, M. Kovatsch, E. Schooler, 
>>> D. Kutscher WG Chair(s) :
>>> Area Director(s) :
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Defining the XR Experience: Enabling the Immersivity Ecosystem This 
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