Re: [auth48] AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9556 <draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10> for your review

[Dirk Kutscher <[e-mail]>]

Hello,

many thanks for the careful review and the questions.

Some answers inline:

> 1) <!-- [rfced] Please note that the title of the document has been
>      updated as follows. Abbreviations have been expanded per Section
>      3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide"). Please review.
>
> Original:
> IoT Edge Challenges and Functions
>
> Current:
> Internet of Things (IoT) Edge Challenges and Functions
> -->

ACK

>
>
> 2) <!--[rfced] Dirk and Matthias: Is there a "short name" we could use
>      for your organizations in the header?-->

For Dirk: HKUST(GZ)

>
> 3) <!-- [rfced] Please insert any keywords (beyond those that appear in
>      the title) for use on https://www.rfc-editor.org/search. -->

* in-network computing
* in network caching
* in network storage


>
> 4) <!--[rfced] To help with longevity, we have updated uses of
>      "currently", "today" and the like to say "at the time of
>      writing". Please let us know any objections.-->

ACK


>
> 5) <!--[rfced] Is the meaning of this sentence that IoT technology is
>      being applied in more types of domains?  Or that the applications
>      listed are more demanding than other domains?  (That is, is the
>      healthcare domain itself more demanding or is there some
>      application inside the healthcare domain that is more demanding?)
>
> Original:
>   IoT technology is used with increasingly demanding applications, for
>    example, in industrial, automotive and healthcare domains, leading
>    to new challenges.
>
> Perhpas A:
>    IoT technology is used with increasingly demanding applications in
>    domains such as industrial, automotive, and healthcare, which leads
>    to new challenges.
>
> Perhaps B:
>    IoT technology is used with increasingly demanding applications, for
>    example, the industrial, automotive, and healthcare domains, leading
>    to new challenges.
> -->

Variant A sounds good.

>
> 6) <!--[rfced] Should "device" be updated to "devise" or is there another
>      way to rephrase this sentence?
>
> Original:
>    Conversely, a cloud back-end might want to device data
>    even if it is currently asleep.
>
> Perhaps:
>    Conversely, a cloud backend might want to access device data
>    even if the device is currently asleep.
> -->

Good catch – we meant the second variant.

>
> 7) <!--[rfced] The following three sentences use "typically".  We will
>      update to use another word to reduce redundancy unless we hear
>      objection.
>
> Original:
> The service and application life-cycle is
>    typically using an NFV-like management and orchestration model.
>
>    The platform typically enables advertising or consuming services
>    hosted on the platform (e.g., the Mp1 interface in ETSI MEC supports
>    service discovery and communication), and enables communication with
>    local and remote endpoints (e.g., message routing function in IoT
>    gateways).  The platform is typically extensible to edge applications
>    because it can advertise a service that other edge applications can
>    consume.
>
> Perhaps:
> Typically, the service and application life cycle is
>    using an NFV-like management and orchestration model.
>
>    The platform generally enables advertising or consuming services
>    hosted on the platform (e.g., the Mp1 interface in ETSI MEC supports
>    service discovery and communication), and enables communication with
>    local and remote endpoints (e.g., message routing function in IoT
>    gateways).  The platform is usually extensible to edge applications
>    because it can advertise a service that other edge applications can
>    consume.
> -->

Yes, thank you.


>
> 8) <!--[rfced] Please review the following questions related to this text:
>
> a) We are having trouble parsing "the list associated logical
> functions". Is "list" intended to be a noun or a verb?
>
> b) The placement of "in this section" is somewhat jarring (and makes
> two introductory phrases in the sentence).  May we update as follows?
>
> Original:
>    Although there are many approaches to
>    edge computing, in this section, we attempt to lay out a general
>    model and the list associated logical functions.
>
> Perhaps A (list is a noun):
>    Although there are many approaches to
>    edge computing, this section lays out an attempt at a general
>    model and the list of associated logical functions.
>
> Perhaps B (list is a verb):
>    Although there are many approaches to
>    edge computing, this sections lays out an attempt at a general
>    model and lists associated logical functions.
> -->


Variant B sounds good.


>
> 9) <!--[rfced] The SVG figures in Section 4.2 have their width and height
>      specified, which will make the artwork not scale. Please consider
>      whether scaling should be enabled. Scaling will allow the figure
>      to be resized when it is viewed on a mobile device; however,
>      there may be aesthetic trade-offs (e.g., image may appear too
>      large on a desktop screen or different figures may scale
>      differently based on their relative sizes).  Please review the
>      HTML and PDF outputs and let us know how to proceed.
> -->


The figure should probably be scaled so that the font size in the figure corresponds to the one in the text and so that the figure is not wider than the text width. What is a good way to achieve this in a portable fashion?

>
> 10) <!--[rfced] In the following text, how does the last clause relate to
>      the rest of the sentence?  If our suggested rephrase does not
>      correctly capture your intent, please let us know how to
>      rephrase.
>
> Original:
>    In a distributed image processing application, some image processing
>    functions can be similarly executed at the edge or in the cloud,
>    while preprocessing, which helps limiting the amount of uploaded data,
>    is performed by the IoT device.
>
> Perhaps:
>    Similarly, in a distributed image processing application, some
>    image processing functions can be executed at the edge or
>    in the cloud, which helps with limiting the amount
>    of uploaded data to be performed by the IoT device.
>
> -->

How about this:

Similarly, in a distributed image processing application, some image processing
functions can be executed at the edge or in the cloud. To limit the amount of data to be uploaded to central cloud functions, IoT edge devices may pre-process data.

>
> 11) <!--[rfced] Should "IRTF attendees" be further clarified?  Is this a
>      particular meeting?  Participants of all Research Groups?-->

I suggest "participants of T2TRG meetings".

>
> 12) <!--[rfced] To avoid the awkward readability of both "used" and
>      "using" in the same sentence, may we make the following update?
>
> Original:
>
>    Broker-based solutions can be used, for example, using an IoT
>    gateway as a broker to discover IoT resources.
>
> Perhaps:
>
>    Broker-based solutions can be implemented; an example would be using an
>    IoT gateway as a broker to discover IoT resources.
> -->


How about:
"In a broker-based system, an IoT gateway can act as a broker to discover IoT resources."

>
> 13) <!--[rfced] Please review our update to "in replacement or complement"
>      and let us know if it does not capture your intended meaning.
>
> Original:
>    More decentralized solutions can also be used in replacement or
>    complement, for example, CoAP enables multicast discovery of an IoT
>    device, and CoAP service discovery enables obtaining a list of
>    resources made available by this device [RFC7252].
>
> Current:
>    More decentralized solutions can also be used in replacement of or
>    in complement to the broker-based solutions; for example, CoAP
>    enables multicast discovery of an IoT device and CoAP service
>    discovery enables one to obtain a list of resources made
>    available by this device [RFC7252].
> -->

Yes, much better.


>
> 14) <!--[rfced] Please review our update to the following text to ensure
>      we've correctly captured your intended meaning.  Because this
>      text includes an example within an example and both are within a
>      list, please review carefully.
>
> Original:
>
>    * Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge, to account
>    for its distributed nature, e.g., using Conflict-free Replicated
>    Data Types (CRDT) [Jeffery], heterogeneity
>    and customization, e.g., using intent-based management mechanisms
>    [Cao], and limited resources.
>
> Current:
>
>    * Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge to account for
>    its distributed nature, e.g., using Conflict-free Replicated Data
>    Types (CRDTs) [Jeffery], heterogeneity and customization (e.g.,
>    using intent-based management mechanisms [Cao]), and limited
>    resources
> -->

Thanks for spotting this. This sentence seems problematic for a couple of reasons. The examples are quite specific. If co-authors and our shepherd agree, we could simplify as follows:

Adapting cloud management platforms to the edge to account for its distributed nature, heterogeneity, need for customization, and limited resources.


>
> 15) <!--[rfced] How can we break this run-on sentence up for the reader?
>
> Original:
>
>    *  (Computation placement) Selecting, in a centralized or
>       distributed/peer-to-peer manner, an appropriate compute device
>       based on available resources, location of data input and data
>       sinks, compute node properties, etc., and with varying goals
>       including end-to-end latency, privacy, high availability, energy
>       conservation, or network efficiency, for example, using load-
>       balancing techniques to avoid congestion.
>
> Perhaps:
>
>    * Computation placement: in a centralized or
>    distributed/peer-to-peer manner, selecting an appropriate compute
>    device.  The selection is based on available resources, location of
>    data input and data sinks, compute node properties, etc. with
>    varying goals.  These goals include end-to-end latency, privacy, high
>    availability, energy conservation, or network efficiency.  For
>    example, using load-balancing techniques to avoid congestion.
>
>
> -->

Yes, much better – thanks!


>
> 16) <!--[rfced] We are having difficulty parsing the parenthetical. Please
>      review and let us know how it may be updated for clarity.
>
> Original:
>
>    * Maintaining consistency, freshness, reliability, and privacy of
>    stored/cached data in systems that are distributed, constrained,
>    and dynamic (e.g., owing to end devices and computing nodes churn
>    or mobility), and which can have additional data governance
>    constraints on data storage location.
> -->

I suggest the following:


* Maintaining consistency, freshness, reliability, and privacy of stored/cached data in systems that are distributed, constrained, and dynamic (e.g., due to node mobility, energy-saving regimes, and disruptions) and which can have additional data governance
constraints on data storage location.


>
> 17) <!--[rfced] Is the following sentence intended to be a list of
>      characteristics of communication brokering? If so, may we update
>      it as follows?
>
> Original:
>
>    Communication brokering is a typical function of IoT edge computing
>    that facilitates communication with IoT devices, enabling clients
>    to register as recipients for data from devices, as well as
>    forwarding/ routing of traffic to or from IoT devices, enabling
>    various data discovery and redistribution patterns, for example,
>    north-south with clouds, east-west with other edge devices
>    [I-D.mcbride-edge-data-discovery-overview].
>
> Perhaps:
>
>    Communication brokering is a typical function of IoT edge computing
>    that facilitates communication with IoT devices, enables clients to
>    register as recipients for data from devices forwards/routes of
>    traffic to or from IoT devices, enables various data discovery and
>    redistribution patterns (for example, north-south with clouds and
>    east-west with other edge devices
>    [I-D.mcbride-edge-data-discovery-overview].
> -->


Thanks, much better. Some additional edits:

Communication brokering is a typical function of IoT edge computing
that facilitates communication with IoT devices, enables clients to
register as recipients for data from devices, forwards
traffic to or from IoT devices, enables various data discovery and
redistribution patterns (for example, north-south with clouds and
east-west with other edge devices
[I-D.mcbride-edge-data-discovery-overview].



>
> 18) <!--[rfced] It's unclear how "dynamic" fits into the sentence below.
>      Is it meant to read "dynamic environtments"?
>
> Original:
>    *  Addressing concerns such as limited resources, privacy, dynamic,
>       and heterogeneous environments to deploy machine learning at the
>       edge:
>
> Perhaps:
>    *  Addressing concerns such as limited resources, privacy, and dynamic
>       and heterogeneous environments to deploy machine learning at the
>       edge:
> -->

Yes.

>
> 19) <!-- [rfced] Please ensure that the guidelines listed in Section 2.1 of RFC 5743 have been adhered to in this document.  -->

IMO, "Status of This Memo" has all the required information.

>
> 20) <!--[rfced] Throughout the document, there were certain places we may
>      have expected a citation.  Please review cases like the following
>      (there may be more, just examples):
>
>  As the number of people working on farming has been decreasing over
>  time,...
>
>   *Smart Construction*
>       Safety is critical at construction sites.  Every year, many
>       construction workers lose their lives because of falls,
>       collisions, electric shocks, and other accidents.
>
>  Policy makers have begun to provide frameworks that limit the usage
>  of personal data and impose strict requirements on data controllers
>  and processors.
>
> -->


Good point – I suggest that we (authors) go through the document and add references to such statements.

>
> 21) <!-- [rfced] Throughout the text, the following terminology appears to
>      be used inconsistently. Please review these occurrences and let
>      us know if/how they may be made consistent.
>
> a) Capitalization
>
> Big Data vs. big data
> Cloud vs. cloud
> Industrial IoT vs. industrial IoT
> Smart Grid vs. smart grid
> Thing vs. thing
> Edge vs. edge

I'm in favor of using lowercase for all terms except for "Thing".


> b) hyphenation
>
> edge computing vs. edge-computing (when in attributive position (before a noun))
> -->


How about just using "edge computing"?

>
> 22) <!-- [rfced] FYI - We have added expansions for the following
>      abbreviations per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style
>      Guide"). Please review each expansion in the document carefully
>      to ensure correctness.
>
> Content Delivery Network (CDN)
> Constrained Application Protocol (CoAP)
> Discovery Domain Set (DDS)
> Information-Centric Networking (ICN)
> Light Detection and Ranging (LiDAR)
> Multi-access Edge Computing (MEC)
> Message Queuing Telemetry Transport (MQTT)
> Open Platform Communications Unified Architecture (OPC UA)
> Software-Defined Networking (SDN)
> Virtual Machine (VM)
> -->

Looks good.


>
> 23) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the
>      online Style Guide
>      <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
>      and let us know if any changes are needed. For example, please
>      consider whether "native" should be updated.
>
> In addition, please consider whether "traditional" should be updated
> for clarity.  While the NIST website
> <https://www.nist.gov/nist-research-library/nist-technical-series-publications-author-instructions#table1>
> indicates that this term is potentially biased, it is also ambiguous.
> "Tradition" is a subjective term, as it is not the same for everyone.
> -->


Personally, I don't think "native" and "tradition" needs updating (but open to suggestions from co-authors).


Many thanks for the careful review and the useful suggestions!

Best regards,
Dirk


>
> Thank you.
>
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> --------------------------------------
> RFC9556 (draft-irtf-t2trg-iot-edge-10)
>
> Title            : IoT Edge Challenges and Functions
> Author(s)        : J. Hong, Y. Hong, X. de Foy, M. Kovatsch, E. Schooler, D. Kutscher
> WG Chair(s)      :
> Area Director(s) :