[Gen-art] Re: Gen-ART Review of draft-ietf-16ng-ps-goals-03

["Junghoon Jee" <[e-mail]>]

Dear Ben Campbell,
Thank you for carefully reviewing the draft.
Please find inline replies.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Ben Campbell" <[e-mail]>
To: "General Area Review Team" <[e-mail]>
Cc: <[e-mail]>; <[e-mail]>; <[e-mail]>; <[e-mail]>; <[e-mail]>; <[e-mail]>; <[e-mail]>; <[e-mail]>
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 2:31 AM
Subject: Gen-ART Review of draft-ietf-16ng-ps-goals-03


> 
> I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
> reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
> http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).
> 
> Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
> you may receive.
> 
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-16ng-ps-goals-03
> Reviewer: Ben Campbell
> Review Date:  10 December 2007
> IETF LC End Date:  10 December 2007
> IESG Telechat date: (if known)
> 
> Summary:
> 
> This document is almost ready for publication as an informational RFC.  
> There are some editorial nits that should be addressed prior to  
> publication.
> 
> Comments:
> 
> General: There are many occurrences of missing articles ("a", "an", or  
> "the") or the occasional use of an article where it does not belong.  
> While I assume that the RFC editors will fix these, it would same them  
> some work if you did an additional proofreading pass for this sort of  
> thing.

Yes, additional proofreading will be done ASAP and the next revision will apply the correction.

> 
> Terminology Section, Definition of "Ethernet CS":
> 
> It would be helpful to have a reference for 802.16 STD.

That part will be amended that part like below:
Ethernet CS: It means 802.3/Ethernet CS specific part of the Packet CS defined in [IEEE802.16].

IP CS terminology will also reference [IEEE802.16].

> 
> Section 4.1, paragraph 7: "In the first point-to-point link model..."
> 
> I think you mean to refer to the first model in the preceding list,  
> which is the point-to-point link model. The wording sounds like you  
> mean the first of a set of point-to-point link models, which is  
> incorrect. I suggest just dropping the word "first".

Right! 
Let me drop that word.

> A similar issue occurs in paragraph 9 ("In the second Ethernet like  
> link model...") and 11 ("The last shared IPv6 prefix link model")

Let me drop the 'second' and 'last' in them.
 
> Section 4.1, paragraph 9: "There needs mechanisms ..."
> 
> It looks like some words are missing from this sentence.

Let me try to apply the following change:
- From: There needs mechanisms like IEEE 802.1D to realize multicast and broadcast for Ethernet CS.  
- To: Therefore, we need a mechanism like 802.1D to realize multicast and broadcast.

> 
> 
> Section 4.1, paragraph 10, starting with "Moreover, the frequent IP  
> multicast..."
> 
> I had trouble parsing this paragraph in general. Also, Is "IP subnet  
> like ethernet" the same as "Ethernet like link model"?

Let me try to apply the following change:
- From: Moreover, the frequent IP multicast and broadcast signaling within the IP subnet like Ethernet needs to be avoided not to wake up sleep/idle [IEEE802.16e] SSs.
- To: Moreover, the frequent IP multicast and broadcast signaling should be avoided not to wake up sleep/idle [IEEE802.16e] SSs.


> 
> Section 4.1, last paragraph:
> 
> "According to the point-to-point feature of 802.16's MAC, the Point-
>    to-Point link model is the feasible IP Subnet model for IP CS under
>    considering the multilink subnet problems. "
> 
> I cannot parse this sentence--please rephrase.

Let me try to apply the following change:
- From: According to the point-to-point feature of 802.16's MAC, the Point-to-Point link model is the feasible IP Subnet model for IP CS under considering the multilink subnet problems. 
- To: According to the point-to-point feature of 802.16's MAC, the Point-to-Point link model is the feasible IP Subnet model in case of the IP CS.  

> Thanks!
> 
> Ben Campbell.
> 

Best Regards,
Junghoon

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