[Gen-art] Gen-ART Review of draft-ietf-16ng-ps-goals-03

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-16ng-ps-goals-03
Reviewer: Ben Campbell
Review Date:  10 December 2007
IETF LC End Date:  10 December 2007
IESG Telechat date: (if known)

Summary:

This document is almost ready for publication as an informational RFC.  
There are some editorial nits that should be addressed prior to  
publication.

Comments:

General: There are many occurrences of missing articles ("a", "an", or  
"the") or the occasional use of an article where it does not belong.  
While I assume that the RFC editors will fix these, it would same them  
some work if you did an additional proofreading pass for this sort of  
thing.

Terminology Section, Definition of "Ethernet CS":

It would be helpful to have a reference for 802.16 STD.

Section 4.1, paragraph 7: "In the first point-to-point link model..."

I think you mean to refer to the first model in the preceding list,  
which is the point-to-point link model. The wording sounds like you  
mean the first of a set of point-to-point link models, which is  
incorrect. I suggest just dropping the word "first".

A similar issue occurs in paragraph 9 ("In the second Ethernet like  
link model...") and 11 ("The last shared IPv6 prefix link model")

Section 4.1, paragraph 9: "There needs mechanisms ..."

It looks like some words are missing from this sentence.

Section 4.1, paragraph 10, starting with "Moreover, the frequent IP  
multicast..."

I had trouble parsing this paragraph in general. Also, Is "IP subnet  
like ethernet" the same as "Ethernet like link model"?

Section 4.1, last paragraph:

"According to the point-to-point feature of 802.16's MAC, the Point-
    to-Point link model is the feasible IP Subnet model for IP CS under
    considering the multilink subnet problems. "

I cannot parse this sentence--please rephrase.

Thanks!

Ben Campbell.

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