Re: discussion style and respect

[Michael StJohns <[e-mail]>]

Jari has done a good job about talking about speaker responsibilities in the IETF.  I don't totally agree with his approach or conclusions, and I do somewhat object to the use of the Chair's bully pulpit to impose a specific approach, but those are quibbles.  But speaker responsibilities are only half of the story.


What I'd like to do is talk about *listener* responsibilities, which I believe to be as important as the speaker responsibilities discussed by Jari.


The general mantra of the IETF is :

"Be conservative in what you send, be liberal in what you accept." 

That applies across all of our protocol design.  But there's a human interaction equivalent:

"Don't annoy anyone unnecessarily, and don't be easily annoyed.".

Jari covered the "Don't annoy anyone unnecessarily"  piece, let me address the other part.

The IETF is a multi-cultural organization and each speaker has at least 20-30 years of acculturation in their own culture driving their manner of speaking and interaction.  It's fine to say "behave in a professional manner" as Jari suggests, but what that is differs from culture to culture.  In a multicultural organization, you need to start out with the assumption that what's being said is not meant to demean or degrade you and even if you believe it was, you need to, as a professional, seek for the technical content and ignore the emotional content.

As a listener in the IETF, my belief is that you need to first assume a lack of malice on any speaker's part and you should listen for the technical content and to mostly ignore the emotional content.  E.g. it really isn't all about you and you should not be taking things as a personal attack, or even an attack upon your culture.  And if you're not sure, feel free to ask questions as to what was meant.


In the IETF, we benefit (and have benefited) from a robust discussion style.  Granted, the IETF has a style that's on the extreme side of robust, but it has served us well over the years in getting to the mostly correct technical solution for any given problem.   

Finally,  - and this is firmly my opinion rather than established fact - the IETF is not a Least Common Denominator sort of organization.  If we restrict our abilities, and our discussions to a style which is acceptable always to everyone, we throw a way a great deal of our strength.  Not everyone one in the world will find the IETF an amenable organization to work within, but that is just the reality of the situation rather than an attempt at exclusion or selection.


The IETF has a unique culture that is a melange of the styles of the participants going back to its founding.  That culture changes as the participation changes, but not quickly and not always smoothly.  Any given participant should not assume that the IETF culture will be accepting of their approach, customs, or discussion style, and should be prepared to adapt themselves to the IETF's culture rather than vice versa and should not be surprised if their views are not always immediately accepted.  Over time, their participation will tend to reform the IETF's culture, but it will not happen quickly and it may not happen in ways they expect.

Mike