Re: [Ianaplan] A draft for your review

[Justine Lera <[e-mail]>]

On 25 October 2014 08:54, Eliot Lear <[e-mail]> wrote:

>
> On 10/25/14, 2:29 AM, "Martin J. Dürst" wrote:
> >> At 05:50 24-10-2014, Suzanne Woolf wrote:
> >
> >>> Eliot's language could stand some tinkering, but I can live with it.
> >>> Since I owe him text on another point, I'll suggest while I'm here the
> >>> following revision:
> >>>
> >>> "It is important to note that the IETF includes anyone who wishes to
> >>> participate, including staff or other participants from ICANN or the
> >>> Regional Internet Registries (RIRs), and people affiliated with those
> >>> organizations regularly do."
> >
> > The switch of direction between the first clause (IETF includes) and
> > the last one (people do) is still there, and causing confusion. Please
> > fix, thanks!
> >
>
> I propose simply dropping the last phrase.  I don't know how to really
> address the grammar in such a way that the point doesn't sound overstated.
>
> Eliot
>

I think the doubling of 'include' and 'participant' in one sentence is the
stumbling block here.
Perhaps the following will do?

" It is important to note that the IETF includes anyone who wishes to
participate.  Such participants can be, are normally are, staff and other
affiliated persons from ICANN or the Regional Internet Registries (RIRs),"

Cheers,
Justine Lera