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Re: [Ianaplan] A draft for your review

Eliot Lear <lear@cisco.com> Sat, 25 October 2014 07:56 UTC

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Date: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 09:56:53 +0200
From: Eliot Lear <lear@cisco.com>
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To: "\"Martin J. Dürst\"" <duerst@it.aoyama.ac.jp>, justinelera@gmail.com
References: <54017E09.8060504@cisco.com> <6.2.5.6.2.20140830052032.0c96c880@resistor.net> <54047E4A.30503@cisco.com> <6.2.5.6.2.20140901094544.0b305698@resistor.net> <54059587.8070608@cisco.com> <6.2.5.6.2.20141024004255.0b5ef5d8@resistor.net> <4C1255B9-68C3-45D5-A618-2C7553386DF4@gmail.com> <6.2.5.6.2.20141024060709.0b2a6610@elandnews.com> <544AEEE3.7060808@it.aoyama.ac.jp> <544B4918.2040201@cisco.com> <CABb3aNcYfafgfizkAvWsSxVrOBe6UjcPLTBVFoM8_-uJOt9-0g@mail.gmail.com> <544B5696.4040109@it.aoyama.ac.jp>
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Cc: ianaplan@ietf.org, Suzanne Woolf <suzworldwide@gmail.com>, S Moonesamy <sm+ietf@elandsys.com>
Subject: Re: [Ianaplan] A draft for your review
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How about:

>        It is important to note that the IETF includes anyone who
>        wishes to participate.  Staff and participants
>        from ICANN or the Regional Internet Registries (RIRs) regularly
>        participate in IETF activities.

Eliot

On 10/25/14, 9:51 AM, "Martin J. Dürst" wrote:
> On 2014/10/25 16:03, Justine Lera wrote:
>
>> I think the doubling of 'include' and 'participant' in one sentence
>> is the
>> stumbling block here.
>> Perhaps the following will do?
>>
>> " It is important to note that the IETF includes anyone who wishes to
>> participate.  Such participants can be, are normally are, staff and
>> other
>> affiliated persons from ICANN or the Regional Internet Registries
>> (RIRs),"
>
> Splitting the sentence is a big step formard. But the second sentence
> needs a bit of cleanup, e.g. like so:
>
> "Such participants can and do include staff and other affiliated
> persons from ICANN or the Regional Internet Registries (RIRs)."
>
> Regards,   Martin.
>
> _______________________________________________
> Ianaplan mailing list
> Ianaplan@ietf.org
> https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/ianaplan
>
>

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