Re: IESG Statement On Oppressive or Exclusionary Language

[Richard Barnes <[e-mail]>]

On Fri, Aug 7, 2020 at 2:43 PM Dan Harkins <[e-mail]> wrote:

>   I received actual feedback from actual people who claimed they were
> harmed by my first couple emails on the subject. What was the harm? One
> was that this person was considering blocking me in his email filter
> (i.e. putting me in a "denylist") because of my statements. The
> harm would be to the IETF because it would prevent the kinds of fruitful
> technical discussions that I had had with this person in the past.
>
>   Now, that's the kind of thing an emotionally abusive person does. It's
> "do what I say or you'll force me to do something you'll regret and it
> will be all your fault". That's messed-up and I don't put up with those
> kind of mind games. So while I too received real actual feedback from
> real actual people I dismissed it.
>
>   Your actual feedback sounds like the same sorts of mind games-- "if
> this discussion continues I'll give up on the IETF and you'll regret
> it!"
>

On the contrary, it is perfectly healthy behavior to refuse to engage with
people who dismiss your sincere concerns and whose behavior makes your life
more difficult.  And to communicate to them that their behavior is causing
you to disengage.

And it's a healthy reaction to respond to that feedback by reflecting on
whether the behavior that's driving people away is really worth that
consequence.

--RLB